The Genteel Martial Art of Tea Duelling

Requirements

​Re

• Tea

• Biscuits

• Tea pourer, known as the Pot Master

• Biscuit supplier and referee, known as the Tiffin Master. This role may be seconded to the Pot Master if insufficient players are available.

• Two opponents, or Dunkers

​

Rules

​

1. Only tea may be used. Coffee? Chocolate? Don’t be facetious. Only tea. Milk and sugar may be applied to taste.

2. Biscuits are traditionally of the same variety to ensure fairness. As tea duelling has evolved, biscuits may be varied to allow for opponent tactics and strategies. Will you take a round chocolate digestive or a sturdy little Custard Cream? The choice, sir or madam, is yours.

3. Opponents must have cups of the same size and shape to avoid any ugly discussions of cheating.

4. The opponents must first shake hands and bow, then sit opposite each other across a table on which the tea and biscuits will be placed. They may eyeball each other and make desultory comments designed to wilt the opponent’s focus as desired, but they must shake hands before the duel commences.

5. The Pot Master must pour tea for the opponents, taking care to ensure that the tea is sufficiently hot to allow for biscuits to crumble, also ensuring that the same quantities of tea are poured into each cup.

6. The Tiffin Master hands the Dunkers a choice of biscuits on a serving plate and invites them to select their biscuit of choice with an announcement of “choose your weapon”. The Dunkers will each select their biscuit of choice. Once a biscuit is handled, it must be chosen, with no substitution.

7. The Dunkers will hold their biscuits by the edge not more than six inches above the cup of tea.

8. On the Tiffin Master’s command of “Dunk”, both opponents will immediately lower their biscuit into the tea and hold it there, ensuring that biscuits are fully dunked with not more than half an inch above the surface of the tea.

9. The Tiffin Master will forcefully count to five. On a count of “five”, the Dunkers will raise their biscuits and attempt to eat them. The entirety of the biscuit must be consumed for a clean “Nom”.

10. If both opponents secure a clean Nom, the Dunker who last ate their biscuit is judged to be the victor.

11. If an opponent is too slow to dunk or fails to hold their biscuit in the tea for the required length of time, this is not a “clean dunk” and the process must be repeated.

12. Opponents will do well to hold their dunked biscuit in the air for as long as possible. A speedy Nom is easily achievable – the goal is to be the last person to resort to a Nom.

If a biscuit falls into the tea or onto the floor, table or opponent, the miscreant has been defeated